Mysore

Mysore is popular for 4 things:

Sandalwood

My friend Aslam (I'll get to him later) took me to a very famous Ayurvedic doctor, Dr Aman. Aman was a shortish bloke wearing a white chesty Bonds and a full head of lusturous hair. Ayurveda is an ancient health care system which pretty much translates too "the knowledge of a long life." Aman took me through the various oils and their uses. He got most excited when he came to explain the use of Musk:

"This oil is very good for aphrodisiac. You know aphrodisiac? The meaning of life, chichi chichi?With musk the sexes never die. Black for your husband, here smell, after 5 minutes he feel like a tiger. White musk oil for women, here smell, when apply - fall down like a deer. After half an hour you are satisfied. Then again, again chichi chichi for five times. But not every day."

He then offered to apply some white musk oil to which i politetly declined.

I walked out of his consultation room come house come factory with:

1. Sandalwood - as I am too fat.
2. Waterlily oil - to fend off mosquitos in Cochi.
3. Almond oil - because my skin is dull
4. And there was another oil which is meant to be good for knowledge, attention span etc. but I honstly can't remember it. I obviously need it.

Incense

Ok, so I'm not talking about the smelly stuff you burn but rather the feeling of incense.

Insense
verb (used with object), -censed, -cens·ing.
to inflame with wrath; make angry; enrage

I met this guy who had a parrot in a box. I said "My friend, why is your parrot in such a small cage?" He told me to sit and give him 30 rupees. I obliged. He let the parrot out who started picking through a pile of cards throwing them away - one, two, three, four - until he got to the one he wanted. He then passed it to me. I then passed it to the guy who read my fortune from it.

My fortune - I will be unlucky in love for 2 years, my parents do not love me, my work will be very bad and someones mother hates me.

Fucking parrot.

Silk

Now we know silk is a glorious, luxurious fabric. A fabric maybe royalty would choose? Mysore is where the Royal family lived? I hope you are following my logic. Anyway, I walked into the Maharajas Palace and the strangest feeling came over me. I felt like I was home. My mother said maybe I was Indian in another life and I think I must have been an Indian princess.

Legal Marijuana

Mysore is a Holy city. And thus is one of the 5 cities in India which has legalised marijuana. The other cities are Varanasi, Puri, Pushkar and there is one more. Obviously I do need that oil of Dr Amans. Anyway, my friend Aslam took me to the Amsterdam Coffee shop where I tried bhang. Bang Bang it definitely shot me down.

Aslam and my conversation went something like this;

Aslam - You know the hashish
Me - I know hashish

Aslam - You know the coke?
Me - I know coke

Aslam - You know chasing the snake?
Me - You mean chasing the dragon?
Aslam - Snake.
Me - Dragon.

And there you have it. The four wonders of Mysore.

Please note (especially parents) I was more then careful.